so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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