I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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