"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
