My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
