the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
