It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
