I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
