It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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