i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
