Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
