WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
