Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
