Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
