You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
