look no pants
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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