My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
