Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
