I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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