Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm jealous of your bromance
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
