i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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