i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
