oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
