i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
