I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
