I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
