Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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