i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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