his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
