I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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