that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
