dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
