I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
