You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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