I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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