atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
