Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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