What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
