I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
