i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
