spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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