shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
