its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
