Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
