i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Blood and glitter go together right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't deserve a penis
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
