I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
