I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just had sex on a roof
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
