i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
