3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
