exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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