he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
