i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
