I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
