Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
