How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
