I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
