Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize