All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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