i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
