Having a random hookup so left but love u
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
