3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So squirting runs in the family.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
