I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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