Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
tell me about the fingering
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