I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
