Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
