this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
