She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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