he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
